Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
