i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
