FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
