Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
