honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
