From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
