It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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