Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
time to smoke my breakfast
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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