My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He felt like a one man threesome
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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