this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
