Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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