you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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