Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
