I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
