I want to have your abortion
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
