mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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