Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
