Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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