The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
