I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
