I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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