So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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