Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
