Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
