I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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