I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
