We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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