dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
