im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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