I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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