I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize