hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
