she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
