Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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