Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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