Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
