it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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