I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We are all done wearing pants today
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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