Screwed.edu
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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