just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
