He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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