My liver just broke up with me...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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