I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
