at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
