your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize