he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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