I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
