People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
