i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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