She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
