hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
