my room smells like sperm. sweet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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