evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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