if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
