so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
