I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...