I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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